shifting gears

Yes, it is a whole month since my last post. A full and wonderful month it has been with my hair growing back beautifully.The eyebrows that I have been longing for have returned, and now even my eyelashes have put in an appearance. I feel physically very strong and fit.

A month ago when I got the results of my scan I had a very different experience from all those around me. I was surrounded by people's huge delight and celebration for the news. My response as I described was happy and modest - it just felt like the next step. I even stepped on to the edge of feeling guilty that I was not as overjoyed as others. Certainly, I felt content and assured. What kept going through my mind was a quote from the Bhagavat Gita - 'In joy not overjoyed, in sorrow not dejected'.  It is not a loss to not experience 'overjoy'. For me, having the experience of that kind of huge joy is a response to the surge of adrenalin that comes with deep relief that one's hidden fear has been wrong all along. So in a way, it is more about relief  than delight. I don't know if that makes any sense to you. I didn't experience  'relief' because I hadn't feel anxiety. When I do come face to face with that fear and the rush of adrenalin is when our daughters are experiencing sorrow or big difficulty in their journeys. To maintain my internal balance and equanimity in the face of this remains a real challenge for me. Parenting is one of the forever learning journeys!