Chemo 101

Hello!
I really didn't think that I would be writing today but here I am. You guys are doing your work so well that it is working beyond my imagination! Thank you, thank you.

Yesterday was fine, really felt like the novice going in to the oncology clinic. 

I was happy to be the first patient there, and as some had told me, the nurses are terrific and the atmosphere - very fine. I so appreciated the nurse who hooked me up.  The care, the attention to detail and the very warm and engaging way in which she described me what she was doing, what to anticipate, etc. As the other patients came in, there were welcoming 'hello's' as people settled into their chairs and out came their knitting, magazines, etc. I was given an injection to relax and possibly sleep, then warming my arm so the vein would be easy to locate - all was a smooth procedure.

I wrote emails, read, had a couple gentle friends visit, listened to my mindfulness meditation, music , and slept. Next to me was a very upbeat woman knitting away, telling me how she appreciated her chemo days, since she had decided that these are the days she does what relaxes and delights her.

I did the blessing of every drop as it gently came into my body .....the atmosphere of ease and sweetness in the oncology room was so helpful.

On my return home Miriam Platt came and gave me an exquisite attunement that took me to the deepest place ... and also accessed the profound tiredness that I was feeling. It was good to take all the time I needed to very slowly return back to being awake again.

Our evening was gentle, sleeping now and again while watching TV and giggling at the outrageous Cathering Tate.

I went to sleep wondering how my night would be. Guess what...? it was the best night's sleep I have had in ages, and slept right through, awoke with utter delighted surprise! What a huge difference it makes. Now here I am, writing to you, feeling good  -and also curious about what is to come in the line of side effects.

Letting go remains a constant lesson - letting go hair, letting go work (more requests came in today: I have to do an imaginary dance of delight then stop and think clearly about what is realistic, keeping myself in prime position, then decide and answer - not as easy as it sounds) and one of the tough ones - letting go of feeling energetic and vigorous.

Here is a poem many, many of you know. I first came across it in 1990 and fell in love with it. Its lines keep coming up for me these days, so I wanted to offer it. Good poetry seems to sound the truth into the world and is timeless. This is by Dawna Markova:

I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
Of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
To allow my living to open me,
To make me less afraid, more accessible,
To loosen my heart
Until it becomes a wing,
A torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance;
To live so that which came to me as seed
Goes to the next as blossom,
And that which comes to me as blossom,
Goes on as fruit.

Thank you everyone for everything you are doing, so brilliantly, in myriad ways to keep the love container around me complete and spacious.