gorgeous summer

A whole full week has gone by since my last entry. It has been a very full time. Working 2 days after chemo was harder that I expected. My low energy was not helped by the fact that I was the only one staying in this vast and empty conference centre and our workshop was the only one happening. It was as if extra energy was required to make up for the sense of void in the rest of the place. Still it all worked out in the end and I knew that I just needed one further push for the facilitation that I had scheduled for the next day... p  u  s  h ... And even as I was doing that I could feel my natural energy returning. It is such an extraordinary sensation when the turn-around happens. It is as if many, many cells that have been dormant or maybe flattened by the chemicals, start to revive and begin to generate their own energy. I feel rivers of life begin to flow through me - and everything changes.

The holiday time has begun, with relaxation and much festive eating with different ranges of friends and family.

My biggest challenge at this time? Learning to put on my false eyelashes...
It is quite a simple process really. Put a thin strip of glue on the lashes and a very thin strip on the edge of my eyelid.  Then carefully place the false strip of eyelashes right on the edge of the eye lid so that it looks natural. See? Quite easy. However -  if like me, your eyesight is getting worse by the day, this simple exercise becomes almost an impossibility because you cannot do it with glasses on! Even magnifying mirrors don't work well enough. I put the lash on, then put on my glasses to see the mess that I have made and often it is just that. A mess - and I have to start again. Why do it, you may ask? In this, my vanity is stronger than my willingness to look like an alien with no eyebrows, lashes etc. So, I devise all sorts of lighting techniques to help me see what I am doing and try breathing out my sense of frustration.

I have my final chemotherapy session coming up on January 4th. A month after that I will have a scan to see what the effect of the chemo has been. It feels like that will be the start of a whole new pathway of choice and decision. No more chemo for now for sure, maybe other ways of dealing with the results that we find. I know that there will be an adjustment to NOT having chemo and the rhythm and sense of confidence that that brought.

I am mentioning this because I am beginning to gently think about it.

I look back on the last three and a half months and I am so grateful for this rich experience with all the stretching that it generated for me and for you.In these coming days of holiday at Stanford Valley I want to find ways to express my gratitude for all the learning and the gifts from this time of my life and the parts that each one of you played in unique ways that you may or may not know.