Coming out of the curve

Happy news indeed! Thank you for all the joyful responses. I experience this current ‘clear status’ as partly the result of the intimate threading of the rings of love and active support around me. Also the powerful attitude of openness and trust – as one of you put it, in wishing me well before the scan ‘may today be joyful whatever the ‘results’ show.’ I think that is a key to this mysterious process. I am still on the same road.  The landscape has changed and my resilience and experience of personal freedom is much much more palpable.

I am so glad that we did book our tickets to Croatia last year as a way of putting a stake in the ground of the future; knowing that if I couldn’t go, then losing some money was really not madly important. Making the booking was. So soon, very soon, we are off on this happy holiday with friends, to celebrate the life of one particularly awesome friend while delighting in beauty and pleasure. Eeeeeehhhhaaa!

Maybe as Steve says, he has, amongst all the other amazing things that he has done, been carrying the shadow for me. I don’t know. I do know that I have been acutely aware of doing what I can to be clear and not to deny aspects of this experience and the implications of it. There is always that voice that does say to me – hey giving thanks all the time is just a copout to really facing the dark. I don’t think so.  I have also been playing with the wonderful ‘Amy’ question in Nancy Kline’s book: what do you know now that you will discover in a year? It is a brilliant question designed to dismantle denial.  Well I know now that there is cancer in my body (as there is in everyone’s) I also may die of this disease or I may not; in a year I will have experienced another year full of shifts and changes no doubt; I know now that the foundations of my living are strong and flexible and that they will support me as life brings me new experiences.

These are some of thoughts passing through at this time – My heart is light as I step into the new part of this road. It has been 9 months since the cancer diagnosis in August. The cancer has dissolved layers of crust that hampered my expression… there is still a way to go. I believe that I am quite equipped to take on what else is to come. That may be about letting go of the cancer identity and no longer being ‘noticeable’; no useful ‘cancer card’ to pull out at times of convenience! Whatever, I am happy.

I trust you are not tired of hearing me thank you. Navigating this experience has been hugely supported by the consistent input of each one who chose to engage in their own particular and genuine way. Being in someone’s thoughts and heart matters. Even if there was a very light link with that person – met you once or so, the connection has life substance in it. When that life substance is focused in a particular direction with intention and love – something wholesome happens. I am convinced of that.

 I believe that I played my part in owning my experience pretty well. The point that I am attempting to make is that I view this cancer experience and its current result as ‘collective work’ in certain ways. Conscious clear hearted intention coupled with openness to result is impactful. My experience has been about living inside a vibrant field/network. Obviously we live within vibrant networks/fields all the time. Having any kind of experience that pushes at the edges makes this vibrant field all the more real. 

I just found this great quote, having used the metaphor of the ‘road’ and its ‘curve’, it is really apt: “The bend in the road is not the end of the road unless you refuse to take the turn.”
Blessings to each one.