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What a week it has been. After the one great day following chemo – I plunged into the deepest fatigue I have ever experienced. The sensation of all energy flowing out of every part of my system, not being able to do anything about it and letting myself experience this utter weakness… There wasn’t even the energy to wish things were different. Just as well. I think it means practicing the ability to surrender. No choice.That night Marian came to Maryse-sit, while Steve went out – I was pampered exquisitely with gentle dinner, easeful backrub, poetry reading… aahh, FRIENDS. I do trust that you each know how much you are contributing to easing my experience. Each day I continue to receive myriad expressions of friendship that magically find their way to nurture and inspire me.
Yesterday, a little more strength. I have maintained my telephone coaching clients from Europe. These coaching hours are so generative, and give me so much joy, as I engage and celebrate the women facing their lives and challenges with fierce courage. The sessions are stimulating and give me an opportunity to keep a connection with work.
And now, as I write,
I am experiencing energy returning like a flow. My voice picks up its strength, I actually feel that my eyes have regain some sparkle, I even hum! Thank you to Phil, the gentle acupuncturist, who this morning who released my frozen back muscles and opened up the gateways of my energy.
Two Days later: If you have read this far down I have to tell you that it is now Sunday! My Friday energy enabled us to go to our family for a Rosh Hashanah dinner that was extraordinary in its creativity and generosity – a wonderful start to a happy 5770! I stayed until the soup course… and was so happy to be surrounded by up-beat and wonderfully warm-hearted family.
Physically, what is consistent and persistent, and what could get me to whine and whine, is my frozen lower-back... So uncomfortable walking, sitting, lying… This week I will definitely do something more active to release it. I am so unused to the experience of being stiff, unfit, etc. It is like inhabiting a foreign body.
I look forward to these next two weeks in anticipation of strength returning and getting ready for chemo session number 2 on October 5. I have not experienced any boredom yet this whole month, but I am thinking of projects that will both engage and stimulate me at the times I am not out-and-about. Any ideas? (Just kidding!)
Hello dear Maryse
ReplyDeleteI heard on Saturday from Valerie and Judy about your current journey and new thinking environment, so I want to send you lots of loving thoughts, angel energy and a very big hug. You are in my thoughts.
warmest regards and lotsa love,
Gudrun
Mark & Tim have this guy Douglas Heel douglas@netactive.co.za
ReplyDeletewww.muscleactivation.co.za who is a wonder worker at releasing any stiffness of joints & muscles, he is a physio (so Steve should approve)& has worked with the springboks but has also developed his own technique & released Michael's frozen shoulder by digging into his opposite hip, check it out, so glad to hear you sounding so well & I love your writing. Hugest love
What a beautiful picture of you ... your eyes are positively radiant ... and that smile!!
ReplyDeleteDear Maryse, you, Steve and the whole family are in my thoughts daily. I so appreciate this blog and the reminder of you that I see everytime I boot up. Also, through Howard and Miriam, I am frequently in touch with your attunement schedule. Take care of yourself.
Much love .....
Hello Maryse
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful picture of you. So if you are up to it a little chair dance will be lovely to free up your lower back and we can do it in your living room. All you need is a chair and music system for some wonderful music. Let me know when you are ready.
Lots of love
Jen
Hi Maryse & Steve,
ReplyDeleteIt's becoming a regular thing for me each evening, before I head off to meditate and bed, to visit your online home here and spend a little time with you.
M, good to feel your brightness shining strong tonight and send you and Steve my love,
- J
Hello Maryse,
ReplyDeleteWE don't really know each other well, but I notice when I hear about a difficult journey of someone who is close to people I love, (Valerie and Judy, Lali and Ray)that my heart automatically opens to them. And so here I am as part of your journey as well. As others have said the pic of you is SO beautiful. I was also reading your personal story in Team Coaching this morning and love your wisdom and how you learn from life and I'm sure those are 2 things which will serve you well as you face your new challenges.
I've noticed how inspired I am when I hear or read of things people say when they're living through a time of crisis. They're still alive, they're still living their lives, often with joy and determination, sensitivity, passion in spite of fears and doubts that may be there too. And I'm so thankful for that because it helps to allay some of the fears that I sometimes have of what my own journey might bring. So thank you.
Some years ago I was given a diagnosis of some pre-cancerous cells in my colon. I woke up in shock late that night and sat up and did Leslie's Squares process - I'm sure you know it - and examined my fear of dying, fear of living, desire to live, desire to die and realised I had to face the desire to die in order to find my passion for living. I dont know if that will be helpful to you, it was for me.
So I send you and Steve much love.
Nina (Frank)