No Chemo Today

Thank you all for your wonderful messages of  'golden honey flowing in my veins' but it is not to be today.

I am feeling so frustrated - I thought I would write immediately so that ease can return. Yesterday my blood test results indicated that my blood count was too low to have chemo. Early this morning I returned for another blood test and had my time with the doctor who said all was well on examination although the blood results were still not in yet. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Just got the call that one important aspect of the white blood count is too low and I must wait until Friday.

What is hard, is that there is nothing I can actively do to generate my white blood cells - and that I have carefully organized meetings, work etc. around my chemo date! Ahhh, the best laid plans, and all that. There is also the girding up for the vein searching, all levels of preparation for the chemo event. The doctor said that it is quite usual as one gets further into the chemotherapy, for the body to take longer to generate white blood cells. Meanwhile I continue feeling strong and active - and that is a very very good thing.  And...

I asked Steve to take a picture of the strange combination of objects on my bedside table. I love the cute purple duckie with the horns, given to me by Natalie B after she heard the song 'Start Wearing Purple' on the birthday montage that Steve made. The 'momiji' doll/figurine is from Deborah and it's laughing - and the box says: "How do you be so funny? I don't know where it comes from but it is always making me laughing." And this little momiji also likes 'integral calculus and treasure hunts'!  Talia gifted me with various crystals and semi precious stones - these were carefully chosen at the time of my hysterectomy and later. Each stone has special healing properties. and then the books and, and, and,..

It is altogether a weird and happy combination on my table that gives me pleasure.

Appointments are re-arranged and I trust that I will feel well enough to fly to Johannesburg on Sunday for another good day with my Thinking Environment work.

I give a big outbreath and thank you all for being so present for me. I do now feel lighter and the frustration is dissipating .. ease is returning. All is well. I am appreciating the specificity of care from the oncology unit and their refusal to bend the protocol.