beginning eyebrows!

Yes it has been quite a long time since I last wrote. Meanwhile I see that there are a number of new people who have joined - welcome!

It is 3 weeks since my last (and final) chemo treatment and I am feeling GREAT. I swear there are tiny tiny hairs growing where my eyebrows are supposed to be. This pleases me immensely. I have become quite good at placing my false eyelashes so that they almost look real, and my hair is growing - about 5mms straight up and white!

Yesterday I was gifted with two gorgeous books: CrazySexy Cancer Tips by Kris Carr and Crazy Sexy Cancer Survivor also by Kris Carr. They are clever, useful, witty and touching. The author is in her early thirties so it is very orientated to that age - but the spirit of it just sparkles and last night as I was looking through them I was so enchanted by her energy and creativity. I resonated with the realistic and life affirming stance. And it made me laugh. (www.crazysexycancer.com)

In conversation with friends I have been reflecting on some of my learnings and insights of the past few months.

No matter how I may want to discuss my prognosis, possibilities of recurrence etc some people do not want to go there. I have learned to appreciate the broad diversity in each person's way of dealing with whatever meaning they attribute to 'cancer' and so am at peace with knowing that with some I can talk about this and with others I can talk about that. Everyone is on their own discovery with regard to what is emotional/scary/demanding etc and I think that they choose rightly for themselves how far or deep they want to venture for now. I respect that.  Another letting go is the attachment to who I want to discuss particular things with. There is ample provision for all conversations but they may happen with unexpected people! There is nothing lacking.

Someone asked me if I had been doing much visualizing of myself as a healthy person. Although I have been a very ardent 'visualizer' (and having what I visualize come true!) I have not done it with this experience at all. I think beginning to practice the Mindfulness meditation brought me to the stillness of being here now as the most important thing. Being in the present is helpful in a zillion ways. I do believe that visualization with no attachment to the images that one creates is a powerful and superb tool. I have learned that intuitive wisdom given the space, will choose the way forward for the particular situation.