Post chemo with a bang!

It has been a hard week. I last wrote on Wednesday anticipating my usual fatigue and then the gorgeous recovery. Ohhh expectations! that is the very stuff that takes me out of the present moment. It seems that the last chemo session was a unique one and it made me experience much of what I had missed over the last few months. So I got to have the yukky taste in my mouth, the great fatigue and the weakening diarrhea. Yes I am telling it like it is. I always have,  so there. The energy just wasn't coming back and I really had to further let go to the reality and be gentle with myself. I realize that I thought that I have been gentle quite a lot - enough already! On Saturday morning, thinking that I was feeling better I invited Steve to walk the Green Belt with me. 150 metres in I had to sit down, recover and return home. That was quite scary...
This morning I went to gym and weakly did two slow circuits, then spent nourishing time with a friend, and like the magic that it is, the gates opened and the energy is now pulsing back.   
There is no end to learning patience and the capacity to be mindful. Layer after layer. At the close of the Mindfulness meditation Simon speaks of using the breath as the place of anchoring at any time for any reason. I think that is the way for me to go - breathing to release the expectation of how my body should be, breathing and releasing any sense of disappointment, breathing and returning to the rhythm that is natural for me now.
Soon I will bring this blog to a close. It will be part of my returning to my life as fully as I know how. There are a few entries yet to go, I am sure. And I will want to share whatever the results of my scan will be on February 5th. But I sense that this is ending.
I send joyful love to you all which ever part of the world you are in. Thank you for  the web of live friendship.