chemo 3 coming up

It has been a wonderful week - starting with the last weekend at Stanford Valley (that Steve wrote about) made me so happy. I love being with our ever-deepening community of friends and also being on the land itself, planting all those tiny lavender seedlings.... Grow plants, Grow!
 
Saturday morning: I returned home late last night after my first real full-day of facilitation in Durban with a small executive group, a number of whom I had worked with before. My very favourite work - taking them through the meeting structure of the Thinking Environment.

I am learning how to tell people about the scarf on my head in such a way that the cancer is not a distraction, the information is shared - and then we move on. But because it is 'in the room with us' it serves to open doors - and this dismantles some strong conditioned responses to this stolid structure in their consciousness.

It was a stimulating and fascinating day. The delegates responsiveness generated some fascinating new thinking on their agenda topics. Best of all, for me, was that my energy was high throughout. This invites people into 'life-giving' ways of interaction with one another. Seeing them implement what they are practicing is a huge energizer for me!

I want you to know that I am feeling very well and been to gym a few times lately. The increase in my energy and stamina is visible and palpable. My body feels light and increasingly flex-imble. (You can guess what that means!) When I looked around at the other women working out, I was the only one with a turban on. My headgear reminds me that I have no hair on my head, and that there is cancer in my body. Am I ill though? Is this being ill?

Odd how we adapt to this normalcy. My diary is beginning to fill up with activities for the weeks between chemo. Every morning I take my variety of pills and supliments. This morning I shaved my head again because the growth of some hair is really scratchy and irritating when going to sleep. Nevertheless I sleep very well and wake up happy. My appetite is pretty good, so thankfully Steve is no longer overtly checking on my eating habits and fussing. In between, there are the visits to the acupuncturist, the nearly daily attunements, attempting to do daily meditation and exercise. It is a busy life.

Monday is my third chemo session - and that means I am half way through the treatment. We don't have any substantial results about the impact of the chemo on the cancer in my liver. I just know that I do feel fine. However, I felt fine until July and realize that there is much happening below the level of my awareness.

I wanted to share with you some thoughts I have had about friends. I am one of those privileged people who has many lifelong friends - some from age 7! There is a very particular pleasure to that that goes beyond shared memories and stories. There is the sense of deeply knowing each other and the sense of pride in the other's accomplishments and wisdom, the assurance of proven love and safety. The assurance of truth. Then there is the magic of the many friendships that are  just a few years old and the wonder at the depth of connection, deep affection and honour generated over such a short time. It is genuinely about finding one's tribe or clan and entering into the the space of common purpose which is colourful with variety and contrast brought by each individual.

There is quote from Gandhi that I think really puts the importance of friendship right where it belongs:

"With every true friendship we build more firmly the foundations on which the peace of the whole world rests."

Friends speak what is true and see what is right in one another. And it is not about how many friends one counts but about the truth of the friendships we  have. I love the image of generating peace through the journey of genuine friendship. here is another aspect to friendship which is described in this anonymous quote:

" A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words"

And people do that reminding in the most unique and amazing ways. I see the webs of friendship around me and I am awed by the design. Connectivity is instantaneous and comes in the moment, whether that person is close by and seen every day or hardly ever, and a couple words come on an email or a link to pictures that give pleasure and delight. I write about this because I think it is one of the most powerful dimensions of my experience and it has much to do with the lightheartedness and energy that I express.