directly from the IV...

I am sitting in my comfortable chair in the oncology unit all hooked up to my various liquid formulae. It is very quiet and still. We are only 3 patients here today, the radio is quietly on KFM Radio - quite jolly, soon I will put on my iPod so I can listen to what I choose. This morning, very early, I had my blood test - it was the first time the nurse wasn't immediately successful in finding the vein, so we had to try again... not too bad. After blood test gym was my next stop. The circuit at Curves was nearly full with women doing what they call 'boot camp', with a very lively atmosphere and broad diversity of shapes - and effort! It was a good way to begin my day before chemo.



You guys are so amazing, thanks for all the text messages of 'being with me' as I enter my 3rd treatment. My blood tests were all good. I have an appointment to have a scan in 3 weeks. That thought caused some adrenalin to move through me... yeah, a little dash of anxiety. Steve said maybe they will find the liver completely clear. That too is odd to contemplate. Weird how quickly I take on a pattern, a routine and an identity so that the idea of change is anxiety provoking? So many wake up calls about the deep subtle patterns of unconscious conditioning regarding what I take on and call my own.

Tuesday now: The chemo session was the first one that caused some discomfort. I had the IV in my right hand as my left one still had bruising and some swelling from the last two chemo sessions. And during treatment my hand kept burning every so often  - because of what was coming through it. I kept it on a hot pad - warmth helps - but mostly I very gently caressed it and reminded my body that this was a choice I made and all was well. That soothed it instantly for the time. I meditated and slept - and was too woozy to concentrate on my novel  (the wonderful third and final book of the trilogy: The Girl who Kicked the Hornet's Nest). I was wiped by the time I came home.. that thing I call the 'Grand Fatigue', when all my energy has leaked out and I lie, like a lump, on the couch unable to hold a conversation.

Had a good sleep, and here I am back - not energetic enough to go to gym but certainly here! Yay!
It is just over two months since I had the hysterectomy and discovered the cancer. Just about nine weeks of extraordinary shift, learning and blessing. I am so grateful to have walked this road and to be walking it now. It is a rich pathway.